Pirates? Really???
This might show my ignorance of political matters, foreign affairs, and speed boats, but someone has got to say it.
Pirates? Really???
I remember when I first read about this pirates brouhaha on cnn.com. I thought the article was a joke at first, for real. “CNN is paying homage to National Talk Like a Pirate Day! Awesome!” But then there kept being more articles, and now months later you can’t hit cnn.com without hearing about some pirates getting some more booty.
I’ve read a fair amount about these pirates, and I am sure there are significant historical reasons about why these pirates are pirates. I’m sure we have screwed each of these particular pirate groups (what IS a pirate group called, pray tell?) over multiple times, and they are just reacting and survivin’ (say it in a Scottish accent like Sawyer in that one episode of LOST) and all of that. But I have a few questions which have gone unanswered thus far and here they go…
1. WHY are we calling these punks with machine guns on speed boats “pirates”? The very word “pirate” calls into mind daring and dashing images of the Black Pearl, Johnny Depp, Keira Knightley, Orlando Bloom, cannons, and swords. Plus, there is like some sense of honor, and most importantly, flags. I have not seen any of these speed boats bearing a tattered flag with a skull and crossbones. Plus, when the media says “pirate” we think, “Ahh, yay, bringing the piraete back! It’s so sad what happened to Blackbeard! Give the man a pint, a parrot, and a peg leg and let’s toast to the high seas.”
We’ve got to call them what they are, something like Rebel Insurgents Of The High Seas (or RIOTHS for short). RIOTHS, while a mouthful, incites fear, not Disney images of the Pirates of the Caribbean ride complete with a lilting Yo Ho Ho and a Bottle of Rum. Which leads us to my next question…
2. WHY are unarmed ships rolling up in the RIOTHS territory? You KNOW there are pirates, excuse me, RIOTHS chilling there, and if you don’t, you might need to be hitting cnn.com a bit more. Keep up with the current events. If someone was like “Yo Katie, let’s sail around the world” I’d be like “OK, but we need to watch out for those RIOTHS. Maybe we should like prepare a defense just in case.” And then we would load some canons on the sailboat and be on our way.
3. WHY are people trying to do some hostage exchange with the RIOTHS? Guess what happens? You give the RIOTHS their RIOTHS back, and they keep your captain. It’s not rocket science folks. Now you are in a huge, easy to target, slow moving vessel and they (the Rebel Insurgents of the High Seas) speed away with your captain in a speed boat sans flag.
The French tried to get their hostage back but ended up shooting him, which takes “Shoot the hostage” to a whole other level.
What ever happened to the idea of “we do not negotiate with terrorists.” I cannot remember if that was a real political stance or from a movie, but I think it works. However, semantics comes into play again here, and “We do not negotiate with pirates” just sounds silly because again, aren’t pirates drunk and peg-legged and generally fun to be around when they aren’t fighting? So shouldn’t we give them a chance? See #1 for solution.
4. Why haven’t all the UN nations and everywhere else gotten together to take out these Rebel Insurgents of the High Seas? I’m not a big fan of war myself but come ON. They are wreaking havoc on a NUMBER of different countries. It’s not just this one US captain who’s being held hostage somehow in a lifeboat (I know, I don’t understand it either) but the French and some Italians, plus all the food and other supplies that cannot reach the people in these African countries who need this aid. I get they are in speedy little boats and therefore hard to track down (actually I don’t get that. I mean, find them for Blackbeard’s sake) but if the world cannot come together to fix this problem, I am not very hopeful for more abstract problems like “global warming” and “the economy.”
I’m sure there are more questions but I have grown weary of all this talk of RIOTHS. Or maybe I have scurvy from lack of vegetables. Either way, I’m sure that you have your own opinions about real pirates and the other punks in speedboats, so feel free to share and give me a more correct view of the world which I may choose to completely ignore.
Did you hear about the pirate movie coming out this summer?
It’s rated AAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.
2 years ago • 0 notes